I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
