yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize