you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize