Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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