i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
