There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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