She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
