there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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