I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
