Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I will die if light touches me.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
