There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This baby is an asshole
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
