How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
