It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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