first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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