I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
