if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
