The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
