I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
