I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
