Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
