For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
