Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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