just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
