So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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