You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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