In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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