just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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