yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
