We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
