i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
