Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
