Someone shit on the floor
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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