oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight