so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
