uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
