C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
