I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.