omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro