On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!