The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"