I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
