You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
