I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
