Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
