He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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