I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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