what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
