ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
