So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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