Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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