hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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