I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
