i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
