I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
