when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
