and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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