Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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