I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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