you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
