Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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