is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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