would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
