worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
