I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
