I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
