Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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