I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
